Sunday, December 24, 2006

If Bush Jr. is Scrooge, the Bush Sr. should be Jacob Marley

Bush Sr.: Son, I have finally understood that rampant greed is a sin.

Bush Jr.: But I listen to a higher father who says greed is a virtue.

Bush Sr.: No, no, no! My lifetime has shown me that limitless avarice necessitates lying to the American people, which is contemptible and unpatriotic.

Bush Jr.: But my higher father says the end justifies ANY means.

Bush Sr.: And just what is your end in Iraq?

Bush Jr.: Iraq (and I can't understand why you don't already know this) is my Christian Crusade to kill off the Muslims . . . and appropriate their godless oil in the process.

Bush Sr.: But what about Iraqi children.

Bush Jr.: "Collateral damage". Yawn.

Bush Sr.: But what about all our young soldiers who are being massacred at ever greater rates.

Bush Jr.: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. Yawn.

Bush Sr.: Tell me son, just between you and me, you don't REALLY believe in all that Armageddon crap, do you? You know, the Baptist Big Bang.

Bush Jr.: Get thee behind me Satan!

Bush Sr.: Hmmm. Son, how many fingers am I holding up?

Bush Jr.: Uh . . .

Bush Sr.: Well, let me try a different tack. You know your clerk Bob Cratchit is virtually your slave. Doesn't that bother you?

Bush Jr.: Is that his name? I just thought he was a subhuman centrist, and who better to clean out a multimillionaire’s commode?

Bush Sr.: I now doubt this will go very far, but did you know he has a crippled child, Tiny Tim, who is almost certainly going to die fairly quickly if he doesn't receive some medical help -- maybe from embryonic stem cell research?

Bush Jr.: Tiny Tim, huh? Is he a Palestinian?

Bush Sr.: No, he's just a suffering little boy without political connections.

Bush Jr.: Sounds like a Palestinian to me.

Bush Sr.: Sigh! Georgie Porgie, I was going to send 3 spirits to see you tonight. I thought they might help you to avoid the abyss, but now I realize that it would be an absurd waste of their time.

Bush Jr.: Are they white?

Bush Sr.: Oh my goodness . . . goodnight, Georgie Porgie. And good luck America!

Bush Jr.: Jeez, creeping Alzheimer’s'.

Tiny Tim: God bless us all every one.

God: . . . get serious.