Friday, January 19, 2007

Business with pleasure . . .

(1.) News flash! Aging Nazi doctors have finally admitted that Dick Cheneyburton is actually a talking, dyspeptic walrus! Apparently the Nazis had planned to contaminate the American west coast with several thousand such mutations, but fortunately the creatures self destructed by scaring themselves to death. All the doctors are now on meds.

(2.) A debate is now raging in the fundamentalist community as to whether or not to change Armageddon to the "Baptist Big Bang". The proponents of this change argue that the alliteration (look it up, George) is easier to remember for the intellectually challenged and that Armageddon sounds too much like a moonshine hangover.

(3.) There's a rumor afoot that the Bush Royal Family (alias the Saudi Royal Family) wants to pass a law that everyone should genuflect when walking in front of the White House. The Vatican had no comment about this, but a homeless American said he would rather genuflect in front of an out house than the White House even though their contents were the same.

(4.) George Bush was overheard to say he was annoyed that many people thought the neocon Pope, Leo Strauss, wrote The Blue Danube Waltz, adding that anyone with half a brain knew that he wrote the American Constitution.

(5.) The neocon lobby (for what country?) has strongly denied that neocon stands for: naughty evangelicals offer communities of nudity.

(6.) Astronomers have recently decoded an intergalactic message that says: Red Alert! The planet Earth has a terminal Middle Yeast infection.

(7.) Poem for the day:

Chains on brains

and souls sold cheaply

started with Abel’s Cain,

who now drinks Bush's sweetly

stolen Iraqi